{"id":2002,"date":"2024-01-18T02:22:17","date_gmt":"2024-01-18T02:22:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.thesimpleanswers.com\/articles\/?p=2002"},"modified":"2024-10-02T07:34:45","modified_gmt":"2024-10-02T07:34:45","slug":"the-most-important-thing-is-not-family","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thesimpleanswers.com\/articles\/2024\/01\/18\/the-most-important-thing-is-not-family\/","title":{"rendered":"The Most Important Thing Is (Not) Family"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe most important thing is family.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFamily always comes first.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy family is my whole world.\u201d<\/p>\n

The entire world, Christian and otherwise, believes these statements to be self-evidently true, and self-evidently virtuous. That nothing can ever replace the bonds of blood, that filial piety and fraternal duties always trump all other loyalties.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s odd so many Christians feel this way\u2026 when their Lord and Master and perfect Example believes the exact opposite!<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Matthew 12:46-47<\/span> (WEB)<\/strong> While he was yet speaking to the multitudes, behold, his mother and his brothers<\/strong> stood outside, seeking to speak to him. One said to him, \u201cBehold, your mother and your brothers stand outside, seeking to speak to you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The most important thing is family, right? Family comes first, right? Well, let\u2019s see if they came first for Jesus; what priority did Jesus give His blood relatives?<\/p>\n

\n

Matthew 12:48-50<\/span> (WEB)<\/strong> But he answered him who spoke to him, \u201cWho is my mother? Who are my brothers?\u201d He stretched out his hand towards<\/strong> his disciples, and said, \u201cBehold, my mother and my brothers!<\/strong> For whoever does the will of my Father who is in heaven, he is my brother, and sister, and mother.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Jesus did not consider Himself bound by blood to His earthly mother or His human brethren who shared His DNA. Instead, He chose those bound to Him by the spirit,<\/em> not the ties of flesh and blood! His disciples were His family – those bound to Him by spiritual DNA, not by an accident of birth but by their choice to love His God.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Loyalty to family has been one of the greatest sources of evil in the history of the world. Because it binds you to help and support people who might<\/em> be good, who might<\/em> have your best interests at heart\u2026 or who might be little better than animals at heart. And you have to help them no matter what, solely because \u201cthey\u2019re family.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

This can force you go to war to defend your family even if they\u2019re evil.<\/em> It can cause you to shelter your brother even when he is a murderer.<\/em> It persuades you to throw your weight behind causes which you would otherwise never support purely<\/em> because \u201cblood is thicker than water.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

And these things mean that family can cause you<\/em> to do evil, simply because they<\/em> do evil! Which is why one of Jesus\u2019s prime reasons in coming to this Earth was to DESTROY the bonds of family!<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Matthew 10:34-36<\/span> (WEB)<\/strong> Don\u2019t think that I came to send peace on the earth. I didn\u2019t come to send peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man at odds against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. A man\u2019s foes will be those of his own household.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I genuinely struggle to understand how every Christian doesn\u2019t already know this. Jesus was not subtle, not speaking in parables or symbols here; one of His main purposes in coming to Earth was to break up families!<\/strong><\/p>\n

And what does every Christian alive believe? The exact opposite!<\/p>\n

Everyone believes that Jesus DID come to bring peace on Earth when He Himself said otherwise: He came to make you CHOOSE between Him and your family!<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Verses 37-39<\/span> (WEB)<\/strong> The person who loves his father or mother more than me does not deserve to be my disciple<\/strong>. The person who loves a son or daughter more than me does not deserve to be my disciple<\/strong>. Whoever doesn\u2019t take up his cross and follow me doesn\u2019t deserve to be my disciple.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Of course, here all the Christians object and say \u201cHow dare you! I DO love Christ more than my family! But I ALSO love my family! And Jesus WANTS me to do that.\u201d But does He? Let\u2019s ask Him!<\/p>\n

\n

Luke 14:26<\/span> (GWV)<\/strong> If people come to me and are not ready to abandon their fathers, mothers, wives, children, brothers, and sisters, as well as their own lives, they cannot be my disciples.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

So are you? Ready and willing to walk away from your blood relatives to follow our Lord and Master? If not, then you are not His disciple, nor are you worthy<\/em> to be His disciple because He is a jealous God<\/em> (<\/span>Exodus 34:14<\/span>)<\/span>.<\/span> Think about that<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

The Lord makes a big deal about this because when \u201cfamily comes first,\u201d it provokes the Lord to jealousy for He demands to come first and will accept no less.<\/em> Family can\u2019t even come SECOND!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Jesus was painfully clear that His disciples, those who have left their human families and joined the family of God come firmly second; for they have proven to Him that they value His house above all other human households!<\/p>\n

\u2026and a distant third, so distant as to be almost invisible in the distance, are the vastly weaker bonds of blood.<\/p>\n

\n

Matthew 6:24<\/span> (WEB)<\/strong> No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other; or else he will be devoted to one and despise the other\u2026.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

It works the same with families. You cannot have two families; you cannot be a part of the house of God, and the house of flesh. Either you\u2019re 100% in God\u2019s house, or you\u2019re 100% in the world\u2019s house. In the end, your family will accept nothing less, and God is very clear that He won\u2019t.<\/p>\n

\n

Luke 9:61-62<\/span> (WEB)<\/strong> Another also said, \u201cI want to follow you, Lord, but first allow me to say good-bye to those who are at my house.\u201d But Jesus said to him, \u201cNo one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the Kingdom of God.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Jesus considers as small a thing as saying goodbye to your family<\/em> when He calls you to be \u201clooking back\u201d and unworthy of His house. That is how little He was willing to share His disciples with their families of flesh!<\/strong> Remember Lot\u2019s wife (<\/span>Luke 17:30-33<\/span>)<\/span>.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

She looked back because she had left behind many friends and her family in Sodom; at least two grown daughters, and probably grandchildren (<\/span>Genesis 19:14<\/span>)<\/span>.<\/span> They were all dead, but she looked back anyway<\/strong>. And when God calls you, and you look back at those things and at the dead whom you cannot save, instead of looking ahead at what Jesus offers you\u2026 well, as Jesus said, just remember Lot\u2019s wife.<\/p>\n

THE DEAD CAN BURY THE DEAD<\/h3>\n

Yet most people, reading this article, will still argue that there is a third path; that you can put God first, and still be there for your family when they need you. After all, your family is good people, and they\u2019ve been there for you, and you\u2019d feel terrible not to be there for them when they need you. Well\u2026 what does Jesus say?<\/p>\n

\n

Luke 9:59-60<\/span> (WEB)<\/strong> He said to another, \u201cFollow me!\u201d But he said, \u201cLord, allow me first to go and bury my father.\u201d But Jesus said to him, \u201cLeave the dead to bury their own dead<\/strong>, but you go and announce the Kingdom of God.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Notice that Jesus wouldn\u2019t accept a disciple who went to help arrange his father\u2019s funeral!<\/em> Not even in such a moment of pain and crisis would Jesus consider it less than a betrayal for a disciple to help family. Why? Because they are dead – and if you help them, you\u2019ll be dead too.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The world is dead in their sins (<\/span>Ephesians 2:1-5<\/span>)<\/span><\/strong>. Now obviously they aren\u2019t dead yet.<\/em> But it\u2019s only a matter of time, and it\u2019s absolutely certain – so whether you die today or in ten or a hundred years doesn\u2019t make much difference. It matters to us,<\/em> of course, but from God\u2019s perspective\u2026 not so much.<\/p>\n

But this disciple, being a normal human being, wanted to be there and help his family; but Jesus was taking the larger viewpoint that his family was already dead, in the grand scheme of things; so who cared what happened to them?<\/strong> What could the disciple really do<\/em> to help?<\/p>\n

Yes, he could hold their hands and weep with them\u2026 maybe make them feel a little better for the next few days. But what would it have mattered to them or to us, today, after their bones have all turned to dust 2,000 years ago? What difference<\/em> would it really make?<\/p>\n

Because Jesus was offering him an opportunity that matters forever.<\/em> A chance to make a DIFFERENCE, not only for his family but for ALL families in the next life. And if this man had been so busy helping them survive just one more day\u2026 he\u2019d never have been able to learn to fish for himself and live forever.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Indeed, if the disciple\u2019s family were to ever have a chance at life,<\/em> it would be through the young man wholly and<\/em> exclusively devoting himself to God in Jesus\u2019 household of disciples! It would be because he learned the gospel Jesus had to teach, learned to be the person God wanted him to become, and only THEN could he ever hope to offer life to his family!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Helping them lower a casket into a hole in the Earth could not help<\/em> and that\u2019s why Jesus said, in effect, \u201cyou might as well choose now; help dead people and die with them, or join Me and have a chance at living.\u201dIf he had buried his father, the rest of the family would have felt a little better, but they\u2019d still be dead in their sins as much as the father was.<\/p>\n

Only he would be condemning himself to death in the darkness of the world along with them.<\/em> What would be the point of throwing his potential eternal life away<\/em> to die with his family? You might as well put food and water on gravesites. You\u2019ll just be feeding the birds.<\/p>\n

But YOU, if you\u2019ve been called, might, MIGHT not be dead.<\/em> Why would you throw that away for people who already are? For people who, no matter what you do, will still die?<\/em><\/p>\n

Is that even what THEY would want, if they could understand and believe the truth?<\/p>\n

OBLIGATIONS TO FAMILY<\/h3>\n

Before you send me an angry letter pointing out that Ephesians 5-6<\/span>,<\/span> 1 Peter 3<\/span>,<\/span><\/strong> and many other NT passages speak of family relationships and how to act in them\u2026 these are rules for families made within the house of God.<\/strong> <\/em>Not justifications to stay in your old house and pretend to likewise be in Christ\u2019s, not an excuse to serve two families!<\/p>\n

All obligations of the flesh were transferred to the spirit with the new covenant, including the ones that applied to family.<\/em> So \u201chonor your father and your mother\u201d was a righteous and holy law, which is why it still forms part of the new covenant (<\/span>Ephesians 6:2-3<\/span>)<\/span><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Only now these duties apply to spiritual parents \u201cin the Lord,\u201d<\/em> not carnal parents \u201cin the world\u201d (<\/span>1 Timothy 5:1-2<\/span>)<\/span>.<\/span><\/strong> This is the only way to reconcile these commandments about family with Jesus\u2019 commandment to \u201clet the dead bury their dead,\u201d and \u201cif you don\u2019t hate your family, you cannot be my disciple.\u201d<\/p>\n

So yes, believing relatives in the church<\/em> deserve help – provided they are<\/em> in the church, and deemed worthy<\/em> by Paul\u2019s criteria (<\/span>verses 3-16<\/span>)<\/span>.<\/span><\/strong> But we are to refuse to help the widows who are already dead!<\/strong> <\/em>(<\/span>verse 6<\/span>)<\/span>.<\/span> Just as Christ commanded the would-be disciple<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Likewise, Isaiah 58:7<\/span><\/strong> commands us \u201chide not yourself from your own flesh.\u201d And this is absolutely still a commandment today; only today, we are not part of the flesh of our families but part of the flesh of<\/em> Christ (<\/span>1 Corinthians 12:27<\/span>)<\/span><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Likewise there are situations where you are legally responsible – to underage children, say – and they should leave your ex-house with you, and you should \u201ccommand them to do as you do,\u201d as Abraham did with his own children, until they can make an informed adult choice to love your God or to be in the world.<\/p>\n

And yes, there are situations of preexisting marriage to unbelievers, where Paul said that if they were willing to tolerate your exclusive duties to your new house, they could stay (<\/span>1 Corinthians 7:12-16<\/span>)<\/span>.<\/span> But he also said that if they weren\u2019t, you were not bound to that family anymore!<\/strong><\/p>\n

And notice that even in that situation, the goal is to try to bring the spouse out of that house with you.<\/em> Not to stay in that dead family, but to bring anyone you can into a new family as your brethren, regardless of your former relationship.<\/em><\/p>\n

Because even if your family should<\/em> repent of their sins and follow Christ as well\u2026 then they are your family again solely because of Christ\u2019s family<\/em>, not your erstwhile one. Because in the house of God all of you are brethren<\/em> (<\/span>Matthew 23:8<\/span>)<\/span>.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

No matter if you were, before, mother and son, grandfather or cousin, you are all one in Christ Jesus\u2026<\/em> and bound by HIS blood, not your own!<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Galatians 3:28-29<\/span><\/strong> (WEB)<\/strong> There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you are Christ\u2019s, then you are Abraham s seed and heirs according to promise.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

If you can\u2019t be male or female in Christ, how can you be married? If you cannot be Jew nor Greek, then how can you be Smith or Jones? Because all of these labels lose their spiritual relevance when you join the dead body of Christ, and become dead to the sins, duties, and responsibilities of the world in particular<\/em> your dead family!<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Colossians 3:11<\/span><\/strong> Where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nor free: but Christ is all, and in all.<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

There is no room in the body of Christ for ex-families who don\u2019t do the will of His Father. If you are a disciple of Christ, you are part of a new house, with a new family. And all of the duties that you thought<\/em> applied to that former house apply to God\u2019s house now.<\/p>\n

THE WORKS OF ABRAHAM<\/h3>\n

I\u2019m not saying you shouldn\u2019t trying to teach your family the truth. Even Abraham brought Lot out of his ex-family with him<\/em> (<\/span>Genesis 12:4-5<\/span>)<\/span><\/strong>. I\u2019m just saying that if that doesn\u2019t work, it means they are no longer your true family.<\/em> And helping those whom God is not interested in helping is a waste of time (<\/span>John 6:65<\/span>)<\/span><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Doing so anyway, because of emotional attachments to people who aren\u2019t being called by God, is unworthy of your calling and will make Christ reject you – for He\u2019ll consider it a rejection of Him. The consequence, inevitably, is that your ex-family will hate you, shame you, guilt you. You will have to lose them, to gain Christ. Is it worth it?<\/p>\n

\n

Matthew 10:29-30<\/span> (WEB)<\/strong> Jesus said, \u201cI can guarantee this truth: Anyone who gave up his home, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children,<\/strong> or fields because of me and the Good News will certainly receive a hundred times as much here in this life.<\/strong> They will certainly receive homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields, along with persecutions. But in the world to come they will receive eternal life.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

You either believe Christ – and this – or you don\u2019t believe Christ at all.<\/p>\n

And while my witness is nothing compared to the Bible nor the word of Jesus, for what it\u2019s worth\u2026 I, too, can testify that this is true. But giving up your family and the life you know for a country you can\u2019t yet see requires faith; the faith of Abraham, to be precise.<\/p>\n

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Hebrews 11:8<\/span> (BBE)<\/strong> By faith Abraham did as God said when he was ordered to go out into a place which was to be given to him as a heritage and went out without knowledge of where he was going<\/strong>.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

You are offered the same blessing, in the house of Abraham, regardless of your genealogy. God doesn\u2019t hold that against you\u2026 and you shouldn\u2019t let it hold you back. But you\u2019ll have to make the choice before<\/em> you know where you\u2019re going. You will never get the \u201chundredfold increase\u201d unless you first give up everything.<\/p>\n

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Matthew 19:21-24<\/span> (GWV)<\/strong> Jesus said to him, \u201cIf you want to be perfect, sell what you own. Give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then follow me!\u201d When the young man heard this, he went away sad because he owned a lot of property. Jesus said to his disciples, \u201cI can guarantee this truth: It will be hard for a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven. I can guarantee again that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Families are a possession that people often value far higher than money. So we could safely say \u201ca man who loves his family will enter into the kingdom of heaven with difficulty.\u201d Indeed, \u201cit is easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle, than for someone with a rich<\/em> family life to enter the kingdom of God.\u201d<\/p>\n

But the blessings of Abraham are reserved for those who are willing to demonstrate that very faith. If that\u2019s too much to ask, then \u201cgo away sorrowful\u201d because of your family. Let your family save you. Let your family teach you righteousness, let their successes be your happiness, look to them for your eternal life.<\/p>\n

Because unless you can let go of the bonds of flesh, all bonds of flesh, as your Lord and Master did,<\/em> and be bound instead only<\/em> to God and those who belong to and serve Him, you can never be a disciple of Christ. That\u2019s what God demanded of Abraham.<\/p>\n

And only those who do the works of Abraham are blessed with Abraham, and worthy to be called his sons and daughters.<\/p>\n

Everyone else can help the dead bury the dead.<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cThe most important thing is family.\u201d \u201cFamily always comes first.\u201d \u201cMy family is my whole world.\u201d The entire world, Christian and otherwise, believes these statements to be self-evidently…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2004,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[24,60,30,33],"class_list":["post-2002","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-good-to-know","tag-doctrine","tag-family","tag-people","tag-responsibility"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thesimpleanswers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2002","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thesimpleanswers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thesimpleanswers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thesimpleanswers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thesimpleanswers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2002"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.thesimpleanswers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2002\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2296,"href":"https:\/\/www.thesimpleanswers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2002\/revisions\/2296"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thesimpleanswers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2004"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thesimpleanswers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2002"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thesimpleanswers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2002"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thesimpleanswers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2002"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}